Wow, two years since I posted about Christmas…I guess last year I wasn't inspired to write anything about this WONDERFUL holiday, maybe I was too busy enjoying it…either way, I have quite a treat for everyone!
I am breaking down the well-known Christmas classic- The Christmas Song. Since I took it upon myself to listen to start my Christmas music journey early this year, I have been able to really analyze the message behind our favorite songs. I started listening to Christmas music on August 31st this year…as everyone knows, this gives me four months of solid holiday cheer to enjoy listening to my favorite albums of all time, and the Christmas hits just don't stop delivering that fuzzy feeling that I am about to open a TON of great gifts that fulfill my need for presents.
But tonight, as I listened to Straight No Chaser's Christmas album, during The Christmas Song, I realized all the hidden messages in this song- Christmas is NO JOKE, people! And we all need to get a little more somber about the messages in these songs.
"Chesnuts roasting on an open fire…" According to this, I'm doing it all wrong. I thought I should roast my pecans and walnuts SAFELY IN AN OVEN… Who knew, we are supposed to roast nuts on an OPEN FIRE at Christmas time…now, I am no fire expert, but that's GOT to be dangerous and some kind of a fire hazard, especially with small children running around, those nuts are bound to start popping something fierce when they start roasting. "Jack Frost nipping at your nose…." Furthermore, we are dealing with hypothermia in the next line! Jack Frost is not your friend during December, folks, Mr.Frost is out for warm blood, and he has no bias towards age or iron level- he's coming for you, mom, so you better take heed and do what the song says- dress like an Eskimo (heaven knows where you will find high grade fur and leather to wrap around your nose, though). "Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow…" Next, it talks about tiny tots with glowing eyes…again, no expert, but this can't be good. For one, maybe they are also running a fever and are subject to some sort of pink eye or something from the evergreen tree or maybe their eye is on FIRE FROM ONE OF THOSE CHESTNUTS that we're so calmly roasting on that OPEN FIRE. Regardless of what's wrong with the tiny tots eyes, we got them not able to sleep in the next line "…will find it hard to sleep tonight…", yeah, that's a nice way of saying, "mom and dad will be up all night with insomniac children who are hyped up on hot chocolate and greed for santa's gifts"…
And when "mother's child" realizes that reindeer DON'T know how to fly, they will be up even longer listening to you, tiredly proclaiming that if they WILL JUST GO TO SLEEP THE MAGIC OF SANTA WILL COME TO LIFE…SLEEP=SANTA…everyone knows this, right? I honestly think that people that have trouble sleeping had that mantra drilled into their heads as children, Sleep=Santa, and they are actually afraid that when they sleep, there is some white bearded man creeping around their dark house, drinking their milk and eating their cookies and probably sitting in their lazy-boy watching ESPN…
Okay, so that's just the first verse, guys, I have a lot more…but I will guarantee this, you will NEVER hear that song the same way again!
Ha!!!!
